It doesn’t really matter what I think, does it ? There’s been this flood. A constant flood of aches in my lower back centralized just above my my sciatic nerve. Okay, well, no -I don’t really have any ache there. And that’s kind of terrible of me to say considering that some people do or may have ailments of the sort !
[Photo: Nurse Judy, I’ve been having some trouble with my sciatic nerve. I was wondering if you could..] Alright now, ten points if you can guess the film this image and reference are from.
Okay, alright then. The ache is more personal. And the flood is of another sort. Meaning I’ve been experiencing something unique. All of these people, dear friends and rabid friends -of all sorts have been making their way to me offering a flood of hello-goodbyes.
I guess I used to wonder what all this departure-take off stuff would eventually look like. Well, I’m beginning to have a mighty right idea of what saying goodbye looks like. I’ve been collecting them of late.
It’s a new experience, saying, so long, like this.
In other times and for other trips you would tell people, yup, hey, I’m going away to this place for that long.
Most often the answer you would get is, oh, that’s cool. Have fun and we’ll see ya when you’re back.
Well. Maybe it’s not so different this time, my sayings good-bye and all. But somehow the prospect of at least a year before again meeting, saying good-bye is daunting. Daunting in part. And given this subject, an experience of saying good-bye to good friends and family for a duration apart like the one I will be experiencing has given me an idea.
Later in the future I can imagine a world where people would actually pay for new or foreign experiences. To find and feel something that they haven’t before. Hah. Maybe in the future it would be something like, -well like those trips to the moon ! You know all those rich and teeming blokes out there pay a few pockets-full of millions and they get to fly to the moon. But goodness knows if they actually get off and walk around up there/out there(?)
I would imagine not.
Well, saying all of these goodbyes with the gravity of a year’s separation behind them has felt like just that. A new experience that’s out of the obrit/ordinary. But, if I’m giving off the purple vibe that I’m not excited regarding this dispatch-to-Japan, well you’d be wrong again. Ahead of me lies the prospect of seafoods, new people to meet and greet, a job to, well, work at, and every other last thing and experience that I couldn’t hope to dream of doing in Japan. Blowfish anyone ?
So beyond it all, awhilst all I’ve been done and doing there’s been thoughts awash regarding packing. Thoughts hovering in the back of my mind. I’ve deconstructed and reconstructed the contents of my suitcases just a few times. Well, in peices -not the whole thing mind you. And what have I found should you care to ask ? Well as a matter of fact I have far more room than I would know what to do with. And as per suggestions from my mum, as she somehow manages to keep on eye on my packing from the other side of the house -believe you me, it’s a mystery how she manages that- she suggested I huff along a winter coat and a bathrobe with all that free space in the luggage.
Yup, you heard me right. A bathrobe. Now this item suggests far more than necessary and what I mean by that is that bases are covered. I don’t need to worry about taking the kitchen sink because I’ll have a bathrobe.
And I couldn’t tell you what it is. Somehow I’ve been known to be a cold-ish person. Maybe I should be working in a morgue with all those cold bodies -I might just fit in, *ahem well, you know what I mean. Spending days in a cooler, that’s all-
So in fact I am sure the day will come where I pop open my expedited suitcase only to praise the holy heavens for the presence of a bathrobe to wear on chilly mornings and a down winter jacket to bustle around town in. Speaking of which, how did I get so caught up on this topic of luggage? Hmph !
So through plain and simple ‘on the spot’ meetings, or meetings of the other sort usually involving food, a sit-down and conversation, I’ve been saying farewell to friends. Via a family barbeque sort there have been all these seeings and tellings. I mean hearing these people and trusted friends say, hey, we’ll miss you ! it kind of washes over me. Hearing it a few times and then again I begin to think, yup, It’s all real.
It’s all Peter Pan kind of real. You think it’s happening, and really, it is. . but, is it ?
Hah ! And the fact is that I love every minute of it. The going, preparing, waiting, and tarrying with all the thoughts and situations involved. I’m having a great time.
And still I can’t forget there is time to pace myself. I don’t have to rush it all at once. You know, take a deep breath and plunge under the ascending wave just hoping that I’ll survive the rip tide of this experience. Nope, I’ll take it bit-by-bit.
But I mean its all so close. I can almost touch and taste it. You know the most interesting bit is that I’ve felt like I’ve been waking up from a dream.
Now I’ve heard and read that Tokyo is a busy and fantastical place, and of course I’ve been there before. But I swear that I’ve smelled smells and felt breezes of that place in the last few months. Just so tangible, real, or nostalgic -I feel like I’m right there in Tokyo now. On those streets, buildings looming and all. The smell of the concrete, and the padded sounds echo off of the risen-stacked windows of the Shinjuku office buildings. Towers. They are towers.
Or maybe the clicking and spark-crackling of the subway/train lines as they curl overhead and you walk along the dark and bustling walkway abreast the roadways. Cars all rolling and lolling along in their safe and somewhat collected manner. Everything in the grandness and bleakness of Tokyo functioning like clockwork, or like a small mechanical train-and-trolly set.
Have a look for yourself here (sorry if it gobbles up the lot of your computer memory at once. Worth a look tho),
http://www.uniqlo.com/calendar/
I have smelled these smells and heard these sounds all but recently. And as of the many late months I have been living with a foot in each pool and a heart between the two places. Canada, Japan.
All of the wanderings and wonderings that I’ve been having lately have come to make me realize, not only am I ready to go, but I am excited. To the depths and to the core of me. Right to where the little spark-wheel in the central spot of my being whirrs and clicks with rapid excitement, flicking light inside the dark depths of me. And with each flickering flash -I am excited.
Now wer arrive at that point in the post again where I come about face and collect myself from my very recent musings and mutterings. Truth be spouted, I actually -again, yes- began writing this Sunday night. You see if I were to call myself a writer or a word-savvy person, writers never really take a break do they ? Minds always spinning like a dancer’s frilly frock.
Sure. So, today being Monday, about mid-day I went, as I had promised myself, to the driving range. Having been so full of rage at my writing and the constant barrage of ideas I needed a break. So with cold coffee in pattered paper cup I took up company and went to whack about seventy-nine or so golf balls. It was nice. Real nice. A light drizzle of rain, some turf, the click-plat of a few golf balls and clubs -I got what I wanted out of it.
And now here I am back and collected, tuned in to my closing thoughts.
At last everything is in its place. Suitcases are harnessed tight. Ready to be accessed on a whim. They will be weighed in and appropriated for travel. But still I am feeling this mess of things within me. I’m not really here, I’m not really there -yet. But glad. Glad I am.
Friends have mentioned me to continue to enjoy Canada to the last drop. Food, sights, surroundings. And so have I been doing. All that remains after about two more days tottering here around town is to trek out to Vancouver. To attend one last pre-departure soiree, and to happily indulge in some deep-dark coffee, some weighty boston cream pastries and a taste of seafood. To have a visit on Granville Island -just maybe, and to show up at the right time at the airport.
And yeah, well I’ve been trying my hand at the conversational Japanese lately. It’s working but it’s all still up there in my head. In my mind. Just ready, bursting to be used. I’ve had another friend contact me about meeting in Tokyo those first few days. I just might be able to swing that too.
And so I find myself in both places. No longer simply a Canadian, but a person of two places. I have to settle on the fact that I will be living elsewhere, representing and living in touch with where I’m from. A Canadian in Japan. Holy Bill, we can be sure there’s been loads of those who have travelled ahead of us before. So it’s not all that bad. But this is me. My story, my time.
I look forward to having time to sit, think. To wait and wonder. To slowly let the waves of this new/next experience wash over me. Then I’ll begin to sink, to bubble and then swim about in this new ocean of things. Teaching, living, bustling about and doing. All in Japan.
And have you found yourself anywhere foreign lately ? Physically/literally ? Have you been lost in thought ? A decision-making process perhaps ?
I have found in my experience that it can help to share it with someone or something else. Your dog, a tree -I dunno.
But either way I am discovering that in this very moment life is teeming and bustling full force in another country/place elsewhere just as it is here. So maybe you could be glad you don’t have to be going anywhere new to start into something from base one, or from scratch. Or maybe that is just what you need, a new start.
Either way, it’s been an honour to be working this out alongside you. Who knows, maybe you’ll be somewhere next quarter, next year. And if you will be, good luck. If not, all the better. Instead rooting yourself right and good where you’re at. What am I trying to say ? Well, what I’d like to say to you is, thanks.
Thanks for sharing the journey so far.
[The post is too long. I know. . ] Ciao.










